Hi lovelies!
I felt like with all the hype this week's Friend Friday has been getting, perhaps I should throw my own post in to explain why I didn't participate in the Blog Award Nominations.
So...being painfully honest (seriously, this actually, physically hurts to think and talk about it), I have had some serious self-esteem issues my entire life. Everyone needs to know that my parents have always been supportive, encouraging, complimentary and positive, so it's nothing like that. For whatever reason, I have always, always felt like everyone else was better than me, prettier than me, thinner than me, funnier than me, more talented, generally liked more than me, and I have had stupid issues with feeling inferior. All my life.
It's dumb, really, and I know that.
Anyway...
One of my biggest fears is that I will make someone else feel that way. I never, ever want to make anyone feel like they are less than they are. It's an awful feeling.
I'm afraid that if I nominate one person for each of the ten categories, someone will inevitably feel left out and I truly can't handle the thought of making anyone feel that way. I want this to be an outlet for creativity, friendship and acceptance, not a place where people feel like they have to compete.
This is just my hang-up and I know that - I think it's great that so many people ARE making their nominations and having a great time with this. I fully and completely support Katy and the rest of the FBFF bloggers! Awards can be really fun - I just personally can't jump into this one.
So, my dear friends, please don't be upset with me for not participating in this week's Friend Friday; please don't be disappointed that I haven't submitted any nominations.
I whole-heartedly love you ALL and want you to know that!!!
I love this! I'm also not participating for similar reasons. I hate having to mention some bloggers and not others. It feels too much like a popularity contest to me, and I've never felt comfortable with those. SO GLAD to know I'm not alone!
ReplyDeleteI think of Friend Friday as an optional thing to post with if I find it particularly relevant or I don't have much to talk about. I totally understand and respect your choice not to single people out.
ReplyDeleteI give shout-outs on a weekly basis to my friends and favorite bloggers so it would be redundant to label why I like blogs. I like them, I talk about them. I talk TO them.
You are sooo completely sweet. The fact that you have so much empathy and don't want others to possibly feel bad or left out is AMAZING! Self esteem issues are not silly, many of us out there have to deal with them. Some times are better than others and you will have good and bad times. I've dealt with these issues A LOT in my life and even though for the most part I am over them now certain situations can cause those familiar awful feelings of self doubt to come rushing back like they never left.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel I am always kind of rooting for the underdog; in face, except for those bloggers that I kind of have a personal connection with - believe it or not I choose to sometimes not leave comments on blogs if there are already a ton of comments. I actually prefer to leave comments on blogs that don't have very many comments at all. It's also kind of why I don't bother with the #FF on twitter as I'm worried I'll leave someone out and they will take it personally.
Melissa you are an AMAZING person in and out, through and through :)
He Melissa - I am right there with you. I have a problem of always to make sure EVERYONE is included in group events. I am extremely adverse to "cliques". Not that FBFF is one - I don't mean that. What I mean is that I completely understand your point of view. There have been many times I have not been included and felt rejected... I just can't stand that or face the thought of making anyone else doing that. So, I am with ya' girlfriend! You are a kind hearted person and I am blessed getting to know you via our blogs! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteoh, Melissa, I'm so glad you made this post - I was thinking about penning a similar one but couldn't make it sound not bitchy (damn me and my need to insert joke everywhere!). I'm glad to see other people feel the same way - I love SO many bloggers for SO many reasons, and having to pick certain ones just makes me sad - I know that I don't really care if my blog is picked or not, but I have to admit it still stung just a touch when I read post after post without a mention of me (blame it on the attention whore in me, I guess!). I knew I couldn't do this FBFF post, just like I can never pick people to tag in those tagging posts - I also could never be a team leader in gym class for those same reasons - I want everyone to feel wanted, included, and loved, no matter what!
ReplyDeleteI loved this post. Thank you for writing it. I had a hard time picking people (and ultimately didn't) because who am I to nominate? I only read about 20 blogs on a daily basis! The popular blogs will win the nominations, that's for sure! I hate leaving anyone out...
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this! This is why I didn't do the post today. In fact, when I saw it on the google thread for the first time, my jaw dropped. Sure it is super flattering, but why make blogging more like high school than it already is?!
ReplyDeleteThe Auspicious Life
I don't think it's dumb to feel the way that you do, but I do think it's important for you to open your eyes and see the beauty you have within and the beauty you are on the outside. You created a beautiful little girl and just know that you are everything to her. She sees you and I bet she wants to be just like you so just embrace that. You are beautiful...just own it girlfriend!!!
ReplyDeleteI thought about addressing my similar issues with today's Friend Friday, but just decided to do my own thing and not worry about it. I started to do it, and I was agonizing so much over who to choose that I just gave up. I want this to be fun, not painful! Way to go writing such a thoughtful and sweet post elucidating why you aren't participating! I totally support you. And, I know how you feel with the self-esteem issues ... I've had similar my whole life, too.
ReplyDeleteYou're one of the bloggers I wish I could be friends with in real life. I think we'd get along pretty well. :)
www.yogaandpencilskirts.blogspot.com
Hey there! I'm glad you did what you felt was right! I did choose to participate, but I saw it more as giving a little boost to a few other bloggers. I certainly wouldn't want anyone to think it was actually a slap in the face to anyone who wasn't named!
ReplyDeleteWay to go with your heart and do what's best for you. That never goes out of style (gah, did I just write that? I did. Corny? yes. True? yes, indeed!)
No need to a) feel obligated to take part in optional blog posts, or b) feel inferior for any reason, at all! We all have our strengths, and all we need to do is accept what those are--and I think you've done a great job of that! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies SO much for your very, very sweet comments. I was honestly terrified that this post would be offensive to those who did participate and that wasn't my intention at all. I fully support them AND the awards - I just need to do my own thing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words and support!
I don't think you post was offensive at all. I didn't participate either mostly due to time but also it's hard to choose one blogger for each category (just like I would have a difficult time choosing a students for anything similar). I do think the most positive part about this weeks Friend Friday is to find more reading material.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you wrote this. I nearly wrote an explanation of my own as to why I didn't participate, and it would have been very similar to this. Just couldn't pick, didn't want to pick, never took part in superlatives because they always separate people into the picked and the not-picked. And I'm just not a fan of adding to that.
ReplyDeleteYou're so genuine, Melissa, and I adore you.
I skipped Friend Friday today as well, since I didn't feel like picking. I like all the blogs that I follow, so it is hard to give just a few a shout out.
ReplyDeleteFriend Friday is optional, so I'm okay with skipping a week if the questions aren't for me or I'm busy.
You are so ridiculously sweet and thoughtful :)
ReplyDeleteI signed up for the Friend Friday updates after the body image posts, because I was so in awe of everyone's thoughts on the issue, and I wanted to be a part of such a great community. But I decided to start next week...
Awww, I think you're so sweet to write that. If it's any consolation, I would have nominated you as being one of the most supportive bloggers out there! Seriously Melissa, you rock. And I hope one day you will truly feel and believe it :)
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty much how I felt as well. Also I don't read enough blogs to be able to fairly choose for all categories... So don't feel bad, we're in the same boat!
ReplyDeleteI didnt even bother to write anything, I just linked to you <3 thanks for being so honest.
ReplyDeleteYep. You said better than I ever could why I didn't participate this Friday either. I'm also not being critical of those who did do it - I could see how it could be fun - but I just couldn't narrow all my bloggie friends down to a handful of categories.
ReplyDeleteJenn
I think that's a really great reason and I really commend your for that :) I look forward to reading more of your posts!
ReplyDelete-New follower
http://whatmissloves.blogspot.com/
Thank you Melissa. You really said it well! I am new to Friend Friday as a participant, but have been following it for a while. I love all the weekly topics, but this one made a big lump form in my throught. I feel very similar and as a "new" blogger I also feel, I am even less allowed to select any blogger over the other.
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful, Melissa. You are so sweet and thoughtful!!! I totally appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI have much of the same sentiments mel. It is too hard to pick just one for each because there are so many great people! And you are beautiful. Never forget about that.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, I just now saw your post on this. As you know, I also did not participate. I work with teens everyday and self esteem is a HUGE issue with girls (and guys as well). Parents can be very supportive, but a group of peers can kill in an instant! I guess I see the blogospphere as a group of peers that works best if we are supportive of the whole group and not single ones out too often. Obviously, the award winners are most likely the ones who do not need the support....we need to be careful not to harm or shut down the ones who do. Thank you for your sweet heart and honesty.
ReplyDeleteHere here! I think it speaks worlds of you that you think of others' feelings before doing anything that might be hurtful. And I think it's so cool that you spoke up about it. Blogging shouldn't be a competition, after all (at least it isn't for me).
ReplyDeleteI had similar issues as you. I almost didn't do it but it was getting so much hype I did it at the last minute. Then as I wrote mine, I wanted to include more. I almost did honorable mention. Ugh. Also some categories I had like 10 awesome bloggers to fit in but other categories I don't think about much so it was hard to think of one (even though one of the other 10 could have fit into it, my mind just didn't work that way.)
ReplyDeleteMel - Thank you for writing about this and being so bold to voice your opinion. Everyone is right in saying you worded this very well. I feel horrible that this FBFF idea could turn into something that would hurt others. - Katy
ReplyDeleteMy sentiments exactly Melissa that is why I'm not posting either. You spoke my thoughts so eloquently!
ReplyDeleteI LOVED this post!! Thank you for writing it! You're awesome! :)
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